Recently I’ve been catching up on some of my favourite UK tv on youtube (namely One Born Every Minute) and to my surprise, the adverts are making me long for England in an odd way. I never really get homesick but it’s funny how advertising can make you miss random things – the eccentric British sense of humour (some of those adverts are just downright weird!), online supermarket shopping, Cadbury’s creme eggs, even the dark cold gloomy days before Spring arrives. I’ve also been away long enough that I’m a bit bemused at some things – breakfast biscuits? Is the nation really gullible enough to believe eating biscuits for breakfast is a good idea?
The longer I’m here, the more things which shocked me at first here seem pretty much normal. I’ve written before about the potential dangers around the house, which are pretty much overlooked by everyone but actually there is a whole load of stuff that I actually think is pretty terrible but I’m just used to it now:
- Our nextdoor neighbour leaves her 3-year-old alone in the house watching her 1-year-old sister while she shops in the market.
- Children stay up late every night playing and watching tv until they fall asleep. Bedtime routines or an actual bedtime are non-existent.
- Nobody wears seatbelts in the car. Nobody has baby seats. In fact most people don’t have cars and just stick all their kids (un-helmeted) on the back of the motorbike.
- Talking of motorbikes, it’s pretty common to see young kids driving themselves to school on one alone.
Made’s always reminding me that as I live here I should adopt the local customs and practices and stop doing things the way I would do in the UK. Ok that’s fair enough, but I do struggle a bit with some of them. Especially when I think they’re just plain WRONG!
My friend on facebook joked yesterday that I was becoming Indonesian but I think in some ways it’s true!
- I dress my kids in long sleeves and trousers if it rains.
- I ask Maya if she wants “more nasi” with that.
- I’m shocked at seeing tiny babies (belonging to foreigners, never Indonesians!) out and about outside.
- I caught myself chasing Kiran around with a bowl of rice the other day, much to my shame
I do feel like my kids are missing out a bit on the British half of their heritage at the moment and I’d love to take them back to the UK for a few months when they’re a little bigger to improve their English. Actually Maya’s vocabulary is a lot larger than I thought it was after quizzing her when we’re reading picture books and she randomly comes out with a little gem like “oopsy baby!” (mishearing oopsy daisy, haha). She also love shouting “Mama stupid!” at the moment when I won’t let her eat another biscuit/crisps/sweet. Sigh.
I’m not sure if I should be doing more to balance out the British half of their heritage or not. We have lots of English books, a decent number of English cartoons and a city of London wooden train set…. Maybe I should be feeding them baked beans or something. Maya quite likes tea – that’s a start. Or maybe I should just go with the flow and let them be Balinese children who happen to have an English mother because this is Bali after all and things are different here…
Photo of random Balinese children by my dad
I don’t care what else British you teach them, but….please teach them British sarcasm and self deprecation! It really bugs me when foreigners don’t get it as I end up looking like an idiot!
Haha! I totally relate as far as child-rearing in Tanzania goes. My friend is volunteering at a local hospital, and is currently working on a handbook for new mothers. She had put something or other about the importance of using a carseat, and was told by her supervisor to leave it out. “Children belong in the mother’s arms while in a car,” she said, “Not a carseat.” This takes attachment parenting to a new level, doesn’t it? Haha. I’ll admit, I haven’t been the best about using a carseat here, but to actually advise against it?
One thing I do enjoy seeing are young children carrying babies in a kanga on their backs. It’s pretty cute.
I think it can only benefit them to learn about both cultures, and it’s really important for them to know more about where their Mummy comes from
I’m guessing that sending you creme eggs is a no go for some reason?
Hehe, I’ll do my best :p
Yes, this sounds familiar! When my daughter was born they wouldn’t let me put her in the car seat when we went to take her home! I also admit to being terrible with car seats here. We used one for most of Maya’s first year but now they both just scream and scream to the point of being sick and I get accused of child abuse. I just gave up in the end and have stuck the car seats in the back of the cupboard. I try to justify it to myself that it’s better than being on a motorbike and the traffic is much slower here.
Haha, Celeste you can TOTALLY send me some creme eggs if you want :p
Hmm, I’d try to look at it like this. If the tables were turned and you all lived in the UK, what would be the most important customs/traditions/toys/food etc. that you would want them to grow up with from Bali?
I’ve no doubt they will have plenty of trips back to the UK in the future and will grow up with a good mixture of both cultures.
Go with the flow and let them be curious about your own heritage (and theirs!).
That’s a good point but I think it would be easier the other way round – Balinese culture is so easy to define in terms of food, ceremonies, dance, art etc. Britain is more of a mishmash :p I would love for us to spend 1-2 months every year in the UK but unless I start earning megabucks, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I do think the benefits of being in Bali outweigh the other stuff for now at least!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and really enjoy it. Funny you should mention the carseats as I was going to ask if you knew of a driver with a car seat for toddler… I’ll be visiting in a few weeks!
Actually my husband works as a driver/tour guide and we have carseats, we just don’t use them! which area are you planning on staying in?
Ha! Can I just say that I do most of those things too, and I’ve only been here like 6 months!!!
Jeeze. My tendency to spoon-feed my perfectly capable 2.5 year old kind of makes me want to punch myself in the eyeballs. And thought I try to feed my kid red rice, she’s all WHITE RICE FOREVERRRRRRRHHHHAAA. So. Ballz.
Its really funny how much living outside your home culture changes the experience your kids have, eh? I mean, I’m married to a westerner, we lead a pretty western life, but still her life an experiences and expectations are so different from mine when I was that age. I pretty much just roll with it. Some days I kind of want to encourage her nanny to not spoon feed her, to let her be more independent, play by herself, walk like a big girl, etc., but I don’t always have the emotional / energetic reserves to really follow up. So she’s doomed to a life of a pretty scattered collection of cultural norms. And really, there are worse fates than that, right?
It’s funny how strong the compulsion to follow the crowd is right? I also bought some red rice and it is still sitting in its packet in the cupboard. I’m sure by the time I decide to cook it, the weevils will have taken hold.
I totally hear you on not having the energy to bother fighting. I used to throw a fit when I found anyone spoon feeding maya but now I just sigh and let them get on with it and go back to work. Kiran is even worse because he’s mr lazy and won’t even try to feed himself. he just sits there with his mouth open like a little baby bird!
I’m sure whatever we do, they will turn out ok and they will appreciate our efforts one day. maybe :p
Thanks for your reply and Sorry for delay in my reply… Seminyak, sanur and ubud. Really only thinking about travel between them. Would your husband be interested and how could I contact him? Thanks
Hey, I’m sure he’ll be interested. just let me know your dates so I can check he’s free. you can email me on deletia@gmail.com or call made directly on (+62) 0821 45862749 if you prefer